SIDDHA

… and suddenly,

the awareness that I am,

becomes aware of itself.

inside yourself or outside,

you never have to change

what you see,

only the way you see it.

-thaddeus golas
the lazy man’s guide to enlightenment

As defined, “Vipassana, which means to see things as they really are, is one of India’s most ancient techniques of meditation. It was rediscovered by Gotama Buddha more than 2500 years ago and was taught by him as a universal remedy for universal ills, i.e., an Art Of Living.

This non-sectarian technique aims for the total eradication of mental impurities and the resultant highest happiness of full liberation. Healing, not merely the curing of diseases, but the essential healing of human suffering, is its purpose.

Vipassana is a way of self-transformation through self-observation. It focuses on the deep interconnection between mind and body, which can be experienced directly by disciplined attention to the physical sensations that form the life of the body, and that continuously interconnect and condition the life of the mind. It is this observation-based, self-exploratory journey to the common root of mind and body that dissolves mental impurity, resulting in a balanced mind full of love and compassion.

The scientific laws that operate one’s thoughts, feelings, judgements and sensations become clear. Through direct experience, the nature of how one grows or regresses, how one produces suffering or frees oneself from suffering is understood. Life becomes characterized by increased awareness, non-delusion, self-control and peace.”

It took me 10 days of noble silence, renunciation, fasting and strong determination to do deep surgical operation to my mind. After 3 days of doing Anapana Sati, starting 4:30 am until 9pm, the prison walls of my mind began to crack. I was caught by it in the solemn morning of the 3rd day while resting and unguarded. The sankhara release is overwhelming, Its an eye opener. Strong charge are felt in the heart center… a deep-black wound is so vivid. It took a lot of forms, its like an entity of fear, repressed anger, anxiety, depression, guilt, passion and as face of death. All are felt at the same time, all the destructive emotions of a normal human being. Its like sinking, no turning back. No time to grasp for air… i became a a silent witness of my thought prison. As I saw myself purging the puss of the mind, it felt like dying again and again.

On the 4th day Vipassana technique was taught. During those times of sitting meditation, the worry warts in me keeps on bugging my sitting. Lots of emotions are flooding my awareness and my body is taking its toll. My energy is dropping, i can hear my own heart beat, its like sitting beside it. Cold perspiration, heat burn, body pain and aches, shaking, dry throat, mystical experience, appearance of astral and elemental beings are seen in the night, in our room!…what makes it challenging is that we are instructed to silently observe them and feel the sensation, with no reaction, just observing their rising and passing.

By completely surrendering to the process and to the technique are the interesting part of the meditation. As the practice develops, the surgical operation of the mind continues beyond the subtle layers of accumulated sankharas are peeled off, layer by layer. Pleasant or unpleasant sensation, equanimity of the mind should be observed at all times. Without craving and aversion. The Sankharas of the past will slowly come out like a bubble… rising and passing, Anicca! Impermanent, ephemeral, changing nature of the mind are witnessed.

I truly realized that the path of the Buddhas are worth trying and learning, its not easy but doable.
The seed of the Dhamma in me was nourished once again in this present life.

And I know that it will take a thousand life times to trail these path and to tame my ego…

namaste:-)

even a cosmic monster has a soft spot,

its like an open wound that you don’t like to

touch or even rub it.

this wound shows our vulnerability,

it reflects our failures,

and disdain.

perhaps to some,

it is a sign of weakness

… but to a seeker,

it is the truth

that echoes his humanity,

the seat of the soul

in a soft spot

we call compassion.

when you are afraid of anything,
you are acknowledging its power to hurt you.

long winding weary road,

the same path

we used to walk on

where i felt

glimpse of heaven…

now being trailled again

…alone.

I was recently thinking of the day I will leave this
Earth plane. I was also thinking of all the people in
my life who have made my spiritual path possible, and
who have helped me more than expected along the way.
One of my teacher suggested I write a living thank-you
letter to them, rather than wishing - as many do, once
they pass over - that I had said thank you before I
left the Earth plane.
I am writing this letter to let you know you hold a
special place in my heart. In this lifetime, you have
helped me move on in my life, taken me out of the
comfort zone, and enabled me to become a lot more
spiritual and aware. Rather than wait until I die, and
then have to work from the other side of the veil to
say thank you to those who have made a big
contribution to my life, I wish to pay tribute to your
presence in my life. You have either forced me to face
a fear, inspiring words which have made me think about
my life and what I was doing, even though you would
not consider yourself an instrument or having done
something that has had meaning for me. The fact that I
have sent you this letter means you are one of those I
remember as helping me on my path in life. Some of you
may no longer keep in touch with me, and that is fine,
you came into my life for a reason, and after you had
completed that task, you left. But each one of you is
remembered in my heart for your actions, and for
helping and assisting me on my path. Whether you are
spiritual or not does not matter. I just want to say
thank you for being in my life, for doing what you had
to do, and for forcing me to move forward, face a
fear, or saying the words which made a difference to
me and made me think. I want to say thank you now, not
leave it until I am on the other side of the veil and
have to say it through a second person. Just know you
are a special person for what you did and I love you
very much despite the fact you may love me no more.
You were an integral part of my growth, and from my
heart I say to you thank you for being there, and for
assisting me to be where I am now. I could not have
done it without what you did.

I am so happy to meet you…all of you in this lifetime!

Namaste!

how can i forget

and miss someone

who’s always in my heart?

how can i tell you

that every fiber of my being

is screaming for you?

incense filled room,

chants…om shanti shanti shanti…ommmm

smoke floats as magic is weaved,

purple lights, spirals…

soft satin laced around you,

vision of not so distant past

cascading deeply in my thoughts.

sweet remembrance,
my dear one.

so many sleepness nights,
baba anand…

so many more to come…

shhhh…keep your lips sealed and mine to keep.

today might be a day to longed for, perhaps?

…and i questioned fate, why do fools still fall in love?

many times it is not easy for us to experience suffering as we make the choices in our life for ease or for hardship. taking the difficult road is not easy. to raise one’s higher self to work with spirit is not an easy thing to do. all is part of our transformation. it is messy and challenging.

many wonderful souls have have gone through such a situation and how wonderful it is to know someone else has gone or is going through it too, like my sister… i’m not even half of her strenght. her choice of challenges are too extreme for me and i admired her for that! she brings inspiration and comfort to me. this is how the Divine Presence are showing as the frailty of the human form. that’s why in my desperate times, i always wanted to leave this body and stay in the astral realms… for good

in my struggle of daily life, i keep on holding to my sense of truth and remembering that the Divine Presence are behind me… they may have triggered it, and they did it for a reason… which i wish i know.

may i be strong in my challenges,

may fire and light hold my pain.

and may the Mother of the Light

guide me…

bakit sa gitna ng pag-subok

ay dumarating sa puntong

hindi mo na kayang

tignan ang pagdating nito,

at gusto mo na lamang

ipikit ang iyong mga mata,

habang umaasang may

katapusan din ang lahat.